Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
