ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
