I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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