he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
