No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
