you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
