we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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