i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
