What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
third nipple confirmed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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