I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize