just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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