I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
