i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
