Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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