I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
