I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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