I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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