I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you had me at cake vodka
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
