Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
