I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
