Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
