My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
