you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
