mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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