at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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