I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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