Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
