I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize