Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
