Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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