Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
