definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
