best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
