I wish I could teleport
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
