So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
