looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize