paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
