You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
