woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
