I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize