he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
