I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
