Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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