Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
