i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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