He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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