I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Me too!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
