Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think we might need a safe word for this...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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