im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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