there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
True college students do jello shots in the library
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
