I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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