Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
