That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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