This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
