I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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