He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
