my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
