I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
