But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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