no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
