Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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