you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
