with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
