Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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