So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
