you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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