We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's Friday. Sex?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize