Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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