You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i drank out of a bidet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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