and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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