I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
