I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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