grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
