There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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