I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
