Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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