You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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