You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
