do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
