dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
