if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
