I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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