my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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