Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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