you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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