I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
