Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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