If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize