i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
