dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
