So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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