Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
