this beer tastes like vomit already
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
