Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
