honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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