Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
