You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
