well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
