she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
